It's a......

Baby #2 is a boy!!!! One of each, we are so lucky! I do have admit when I first heard it was a boy, I was a little shocked and scared! I thought, what the heck a I going to do with a boy? I am sure I will catch on, but I am glad Emma will have a brother. We had an u/s sound done on Monday..baby boy looks great! I on the other hand have placenta previa. My midwife doesn't seem too concerned as of yet, I will have a follow up u/s in a couple of weeks. We, will go from that u/s..I am hoping it just clears up and its nothing!! That is the quick update for tonight!

Summer in review: August

In August we were a little more laid back! Emma did go to Kingdom Bound with us and the youth group, but I didn't get very good pics of the trip. So Emma, enjoyed wearing mommy's red shoes, loved playing ballerina, and enjoyed her new chair!

Summer in review: July

July was a busy month for us..It started out with a trip to VA beach, emma helped me pack as you can see. Emma had her first visit to an aquariam and to the ocean! Also, Emma had her first sleep over with her friend Caden. The day her friend came over we went to Old Mcdonalds Farm and played with the goats. Emma also got her hair cut in july as well!

Summer in review:June

In June Emma turned one, and we celebrated with a party. She got her own "smash cake" played with her friends, and got a car! Fun was had by all!

I have been a bad, bad blogger!

Yes, I took the summer off from blogging. Why? just because we got busy. I did my blogging at night time, and this summer trying to get through the 1st and 2nd trimester of pregnancy and chasing a toddler around...I needed my rest! So, at last I am back! Why you ask? I found that writing, has been theraputic for me. I need the outlet. I only have two follwers, but I really don't do it for you guys(sorry). REally, its for me. I think I might tell more of my family about the blog to stay updated with the latestest on Emma and baby #2, but they will have to deal with my thoughts on certain things as well.

So, over the next week or so you will see, summary of summer in pics, a new layout and hopefully header, and deep insists from me. Just somethings that I have been thinking about over the summer time. Good to be back!

Happy Birthday Emma!

That is right...Emma is one year old today! Can ya frickin' believe it? Because I sure as heck can't! Other than dressing her up in a pretty dress for church today we didn't do too much special for her. Her birthday party is on Saturday and that will be a lot of fun. For youth group today we did smores, and called it Emma's b-day party! Of course Emma didn't get any smores though!

So Emma was born at 2:04am 6/7/08. I happen to wake up at 2:36 this morning and was up for about an hour and just thought back to labor and deliver and the first couple of weeks with her. Other than the troubles we had Breastfeeding Emma was such a great nb! She slept threw the night by 2 months! And other than being up for feedings she never really woke up much at the night. Days were always easy with her. Other than, the couple of times Emma has had ear infections she is usually pretty good. Now, with that being said...I officially have a walker and climber on my hands so, its not so laid back around here anymore. She keeps me on my toes most days! But ya know what? I wouldn't change it for the world. Emma, has brought a new kind of joy to my life. The moment she smiles at me, I can't help but to smile back. The way she leans her head in when I say "Give momma a kiss" melts my heart. And don't get me started on her laughter . I can not help but to laugh when she is laughing. So, I will leave you with some pics of Emma as a newborn. I will be adding more pics of Emma as a Toddler soon, and also of her birthday party!

It's 4am.

And I just ate a donut!


Emma woke up at 2am screaming and clinging to me. Then Rowdad woke up (or maybe he wasn't fully awake) because what he said could have made me blow my top. He said "Emma shut up" and then started lecturing her on why she should go back to sleep. Normally, this is something that would not come out of Dan's mouth to his 12month old daughter so, I am hoping he was half asleep and didn't realize what he was saying. I mean, that is the only explination to it....especially the lecturing part! However, do not frear he will get a verbal smack down from me in the morning whatever the case may be.

So, as I sit here watching Emma sleep, now I am wide awake! and hungry! So I debated...Do I want a donut, or a one of those yummy icecream cone sundaes. I decided to go with water and a donut. I don't feel bad one bit either.

Well, I am going to bed now...Good night.

its a pea!

6 weeks


How far along?6 weeks and 2 days.
Total Weight Gain? Hopefully none, considering I kept a lot of it from Emma
Maternity Clothes? I Considered it yesterday because of how bloated I feel but, haven't just yet.
Stretch Marks? No new ones, just the old ones.
Sleep? Whenever possible! I so stinkin' tired!
Best Moment this week? 2 hour pregnancy naps are the best
Food Cravings? Hamburgers!! and Taco Bell.
Labour Signs? No.
Belly Button?It is in the same place it has always been.
What I miss the most? I have been wanting a wine cooler but, that is about it.
What am I looking forward to the most? Ultrasound hopefully at 1owks!

WOOT, WOOT! We have another..

Follower!

I make a big deal out of this because there are only three (now). Welcome, new follower! I look forward to looking at your blog as well!!

Lets sum up the last three weeks in pics!

This week she ate a meal from a resteraunt
She watched her first parade with her Grandmother

Last week she was a camera hog..again

before that, she sported her first set of pony tales

Finally, Emma found out she is going to be a big sister!

The first test- super faint but, a second line!

Mother's Day.

I just realized that I never wrote about my first Mother's day! It wasn't anything overly exciting but, it was a nice day. As usual we were up early getting ready for work but, waiting in the car for me was a card and a box of chocolates! Yum chocolate! We got to church and the sermon was all about mothers. It's really neat how much of a difference two years makes. Last year of course I was pretty pregnant with Emma on Mother's day. The year before that, I cried myself to sleep b/c church had been all about mothers and I just wanted to be a mommy! It was hard to go through but, I am proof postive that God gives you the desires of your heart!

Anyways, after church we went to Art's Jug in Watertown. It was a great peaceful dinner with just Rowdad, Emma, and I! Emma of course charmed all he waitresses...So much so that Monday at Cato(an awesome clothing store) our waitress was there and remembered her right away. After lunch we went to my mom's work and we brought her a card and flowers! That is also where we found that Emma had a wicked blow out diaper...poop everywhere! Thank you antibiotics (not)! So, her pretty mother's day dress was covered in poo. We got her all changed and she got to spend sometime with her Grandmother!

After going to my mom's work we headed over to the inlaws house for some hang out time there. I got a card and a bag of chocolates(that's just what I need, more chocolate). There, Emma had another blow out diaper - so we gave her a bath, and another set of clean clothes. Thankfully she was fine after that. Finally, we made it home and sat down and relaxed! We watched the finale of Celebrity Apprentice and went to bed. Overall not too bad of a day.

Great day

Yesterday was a GREAT day. More news to follow soon!

Picture time!

Emma Playing on Tally Ho!

Just for fun pics taken yesterday!

More fun to play in with the toys!

Who would of thunk it?

Me- the grungy, purled haired girl (well used to be) is hawking make up! LOL. That's right I am now YOUR personal Mary Kay Consultant! I will soon have a web page set up where you can go there and directly order MK products from there. In the mean time if you are a MARY KAY lover and don't already have a consultant get in touch with me and I will be happy to get you what you need!


--------------------------------on another subject----------------------------------------------

Emma is sick, sick, sick! Well, really she isn't that sick! She started off the week with a double ear infection. Then she developed a fever and has not gone below 100.3 since Wednesday! We brought her into the Pediatrician's office today and she has one of two things. 1. Adneodvirus- basically if she has this within in the next two days or so she should break out in a rash, and then her fever will break and she will be okay! 2. Mono- seriously, my little girl might have the "kissing disease" lol! So, if by Monday she has not broken out in a rash and her fever has not gone lower than 1oo she will need to go get some tests done. If it is mono I think they will just let it run its course like option 1 but, for some reason (I guess to rule out anything else) the want her tested for it. I am hoping that any day time now she will break out in a rash so she doesn't have to have tests run!

My little girl is also growing up so fast! She is 11 months old! Standing she has had down pat for awhile now. This week she started taking steps! Now, just like standing was she only does it on her own. Wednesday my mom came over and brought with her iced coffees. Well, Emma wanted those. So as my mom and I were talking she had proceeded to walk towards the table where the iced coffees were! It was so great to see! It is rare though that we can stand her up and have her walk towards us.

We are also working on her b-day party plans. I had a friend from the MB message boards make her invites! I love them! There are polk-a-dots all of them! So, that is going to be our "theme" I found a great table cloth with brightly colored polk-a-dots yesterday at walmart! So, Naomi is going to be making the cake, with dots on them! IT is going to be so much fun! Emma is also going to be getting her one year photos taken next week! i can't believe we are doing all of this already!.

Well, that is life in a nutshell!! I am sure I will be back soon to share with you about my very first mother's day w/ a baby outside of the womb!

Believe!

On Sunday we had a guest speaker. He has been coming to our church doing some training over the last couple of months. He is really good speaker, and knows his stuff. He did have a "word" for me that automatically brought me to tears. "It was it's okay to believe again" That has got to be the most profound sentence that has been said to me in many a months! His sermon was about unbelief. We were talking about unbelief and he asked what is the one way to cure unbelief? The answer is obviously to believe! However, that is not so easy!

Is it easy to believe? Can you just dive right in and believe? Believe the promises of God? Believe that he died on the cross for our sins? Believe that he has a bigger and better plan for our lives that we could ever imagine? For me, its not that he is the Savior of the world- its healing! What is the one thing that you can't let go of?

I went to him after church and said you made it sound so easy! It's not! I suppose that is where faith comes in however, I have been jaded. Yes, dare I say I have been jaded by the many years of church attendance. Ever heard the saying "church would be perfect w/o the people?" yeah, well its true. Well, and also the more I learn, the more I question things and not just take them for face value! There is no question about it there is a supernatural element of Christianity. I have seen it at play in my own life. Emma is proof it! I do believe that it was a miracle that I carried Emma to full term. However, when it comes to how much of Christianity is Supernatural is where I am struggling to believe!

You see, I know Jesus preforms miracles everyday! I believe he is alive and hearing every single one of our prayers. Sometimes, though, I think we forget the other side of Jesus. The side of him that lived his life hanging out with prostitutes and tax collectors. He is the person who did not throw a stone at the lady living in adultery. I get that Jesus performed miracles but, above all he LOVED! That is in fact the greatest commandment in the Bible. Maybe I am just being nit picky but, there is something inside of me that wants to reconcile these doubts that I have about what I have been taught over the last year. Well, anyways- this may not make sense to many people! However, it feels good to get it out!

God Spoke.

Don't you love those moments when you know what you are hearing is totally from God? I do as well! I had one of those this morning! It was great! I am hoping I can stand up, brush the dirt of my knees and start running with it! We will see what happens!

Lets get caught up!

First off, we posted our blog addys on MB website today, so if you are here from MB today welcome! Enjoy and feel free to follow Emma, me , and my DH on our journey of life together!


So, it has been awhile. Lets talk about Emma for a minute! She is 10 1/2 months old. She is standing on her own, taking some cautious steps here and there. Last week she came back from my mom's house saying "uh-oh" when she drops something and "boo" when we play peek-a-boo. She has five teeth all coming in at the same time so suffice it to say she has been a little "moody." I love her all the same though! She is getting closer and closer to her one year b-day and I can't believe it! This has been the fastest year of my life! As I look back over the months I am sad to know that my baby is more a toddler now! However, I am so excited for the new phase in our life! It is fun seeing her do new things!

It has been a rough couple of months for me, because of that I took a incomplete in my classes and will only be doing one at a time from now on. I have entertained the thought of going back to work full time but, I have not found anything that really excites me! So, for now I will be selling Mary Kay makeup. I am excited to see if I will do well, and more excited about all the free, and half off products that I get! Well, I think that is it for now. Once Emma goes to sleep tonight I will post some pics from the last month or so!

sooo uninspired!

I have nothing to write about.

Awesome day!

Emma did not wake up at all last night! Praise God! I am wondering if it has anything to do with the fact that we gave her tylenol before she went to bed (we found out that along with her two top front teeth breaking through the ones next to those are too).


So, that makes for an awesome day! We woke up at 7am and did laundry and cleaned up the living room. Also, husband is coming home at lunch time so we can spend some family time at the park because the weather is so nice! I don't have to make dinner tonight (that is always a plus) because we are having a turkey dinner with the in laws. Then, I am meeting up with an old friend. Wohoo!! I will def have to add some pic laters. I have a lot of them to show off lately!

Sleeping

Is not really happening for mommy these days!


thats because Emma has gotten again to a routine of screaming until I pick her up! This is the problem I did a couple of times because she was teething and she was in pain. Well, now she just wants her mom to hold her every night sometimes more than once. I am fine with letting her cry it out but, Daddy on the other hand can't sleep when she does that! I am tempted to say suck it up buddy!

Last night I did do it differently, I just held her until she fell asleep, before I was bringing her in bed with me. So, that means I am staying awake until she is back to sleep for good. Most times I will put her down and she will wake up five mins later..So, we do it again until she is out for good! I hope this changes soon this mommy is tired!

Easter

Tomorrow we will be celebrating Easter. As a kid Easter wasn't a huge holiday..We got baskets filled with candy and eggs we had decorated ourselves, and have a nice dinner. However, as I grew in my Christian faith Easter has become more exciting to me. Its not all about Easter bunnies and candy. It is about Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, then leaving the tomb empty three days later. The fact that I am excited about celebrating this gives me hope!

Although I may be questioning a lot of things I can not question the fact that there is a living God. I have been thinking a lot about healing. I will admit in the last two months I have gone back in forth on what I believed. Is healing for today? how active a role do we play in it? Is it random? Can God heal everybody? Questions like these literally haunt me almost on a daily basis. Why is that? Well, I tend believe I have had a pretty powerful experience with it myself. About a month before I found out I was pg with Emma I had undergone some fertility testing. I had an HSG done, and I found out two things. One, that my right Fallopian tube was blocked(but the test itself seemed have to removed the blockage) and that I have a small wall on the top of my uterus. The top of my uterus is slightly missed shaped however, no fully a bicournate heart. I was told that each and every pregnancy will be a bit risky because of this. It raises the chance of miscarriage or delivery a premature baby. At that time I hopped on praying and asking others to pray for me because I knew I wanted to be a mother. A month later I got pg! I was so excited and a little anxious. They got me in for an ultrasound at 10wks and found that my uterus was completely NORMAL! Serious, just month before that it wasn't. The midwife when she saw the notes from the person who read the ultrasound was baffled and just chalked it out to maybe the baby being in there stretching everything out. I clung on to the fact that God had touched my uterus and is going to sustain the pregnancy and this baby.

Fast forward to Dec 08...I had a chemical pregnancy at about 5 weeks. Because I was so early all I needed was a blood test to confirm my numbers(the were to not officially pregnant anymore) and I didn't have to see my midwife. However, I did get a chance to talk to her and she did convince me I was indeed pg at one point but, probably due to my uterine problems we lost the baby. Or in Feb of 09 Katya passing away. Why was I healed in once instance and not in another? Or why was I healed and Katya couldn't be saved? All these question haunt me, and hopefully one day I will come to terms with it and my faith will be stronger than ever.

For now though, I will go to church tomorrow and celebrate the fact that Jesus is alive.

I will update!

Okay, its been a couple of days! I suppose my life is so boring that I feel like nobody wants to read about it lol. I have however, been reading about other people's lives in blogs. For the last couple weeks now I have been entrenched in this blog http://mycharmingkids.net Please pray for Stellan he is a sick baby boy. But, in all of this his family stands firm on God!

So a quick update on Emma. She had her 10 month appointment on Tuesday. I am proud to report that she is advanced in all areas tested! I am not sure if that means a lot in the whole grand scheme of things but, she mad Mommy proud. Now, we are working on table foods. As most of you know I am a paranoid mommy(case and point Emma still has not slept a night upstairs in her own room!) well, anyways I have be Leary to give her stuff other than baby food. However, it was suggested that we get right on it! So far, she loves cheese, bread, pancakes, and the little veggie sticks that Gerber makes. Okay, so I should be giving her a lot more..I am just all out of ideas. Really she can have anything that can be easily mashed in her mouth! We will be working on this.

Also, we are going to start transitioning from bottles to just sippy cups, and going from formula to whole milk. Probably in a month from now we will work on getting ready of the pacifier. We will see how easy that goes!

As the world turns....

Emma gets older!


Emma will offically be 1o months old next week. On wed we bring her in for her developmental appointment. I guess they will be seeing where she is in her fine motoral and gross motor skills. They will be assessing the milestones she has achieved so far. For some reason I feel some pressure in bringing her in. I was so excitied to have her start standing on her own at the beginning of 9 months however, she has now decided that she doesn't want to do that on her own! She is a stubborn little lady.

She is starting to babble a lot more, I can't wait to hear start talking. We are starting to give her more table foods lately. This week she has gotten cheese sticks, and pancakes. We figured that since she has two teeth on the bottom and the other two in the front top coming it..its time to move her from just eating purred to chucky things. This is scary as an over protective mommy but, I will get over it!

We are also starting to plan her birthday party...I can't wait. I just can't believe my little girl is going to be a year old in just 64 days!

Inspiration

Have you ever heard a song that you identify with? You hear the words and and it ministers to you, or just really touches you? I have been a bit of a music junky since a teenager! At first because it was the cool thing however, I grew to love playing and listening to music. So, when I am going through different times in my life there are songs that I idenitfy with! A song by Chris Tomlin "I Will Rise" has really hit home for me. I heard the song probably two weeks after Katya died! And you know what was interesting? As soon as I heard it- it just hit home for me I sang it, it became my heart's song. However, I am not sure I really believed all the words yet...Or maybe it wasn't the words so much as what the words stood for.....I kept asking myself if I really believe all this stuff that I have been proffessing to in the last 12 years..This song help me realize that I do, albeit a little modified but, my general core of beliefs are still there...and thats what I needed to come realize. Enjoy the song!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvrBQL8swLI&feature=player_embedded here is a link....hopefully it works! If not, I am working on how to get a youtube video in here....not sure yet!

Its been a couple of days!

I know its been a couple of days! I will write more later, I just wanted to say Hi and that I am around!

Wanting to be a mom: Selfish or not?

So, one of the flame-worthy post tonight on BOTB (The Bump one) was entitled "its always selfish to want to be a mother." At first I thought I agreed then, I saw some of what the women said and I wasn't sure.

So why did I want to be a mom? I wanted to know what it feels like to be pregnant. I felt like that was a promise in the Bible that I would be a mother. I wanted to bring a child into the world and raise it "right"(selfish I know).

Some of the reasons why the ladies thought that it wasn't selfish is because it is an instinct. Woman are born with that instinct. Some people ignore it, some people force in down until its really the right time but, for the most part women feel the need to procreate, and then mother that baby. I think this is true! If you think about it; there is scientific research that shows that when women are in their "fertile time" they are the most interested in sex. That is no mistake!

So, I think that being a mother is both selfish and instinct. However, if you are a mother the first lesson you learn is that it is one of the most selfLESS jobs hat a woman can hold. I always made a comment to husband when Emma was NB- he would ask have you eaten yet and I said no I will eat after Emma does. Most of that was because Emma was not gaining weight as she was supposed to in the beginning HOWEVER that is what comes with mommy territory- the baby becomes priority!

I do believe however, that there are certain situations that the selfishness is extreme and the reasons to have a baby should be examined. Obviously- any 16 year old girl who is trying to get pg should not! There are other reasons but, I am not sure I want to get into it here :)


S0, why did/do you want to get pg? Do you think its selfish or instinct- I want to know your thoughts btw------if you are reading this be a follower if you haven't become one already :)

A new breed of moms

I have found that there is a new generation of mothers. These mothers are in their 20s-30s although, I am not sure age has much to do with it. They still shop at places like Old navy and The Gap. Shows like Gossip girl, America's Next Top Model, and 90210 the next generation (or whatever its called) are on their DVRs. On their night stands there are books called "Belly Laughs" and Books from the Twilight Series. These women can be seen with their children in the cutest new outfit from Children's place or Gymboree and they have the latest and greats in baby technology with them in the bottom of their expensive jogging stroller. Speaking of jogging, these moms still value what they look like, they are active, exercise and try to eat well. Their hair is done, and make up put on. How do they afford all of this? Most of these women either work out of the home or work from their home. Many of them take care of children in their homes, so they can stay at home with their children but, still have some extra income. Others sell products like Mary Kay and Pampered chef. Increasingly, the new generation of women are "Green" the cloth diaper their kids, use organic foods and cleaning products, and are into baby wearing. Many of them stay in touch with friends via Message boards such as Modern Bliss, The Bump, or The Nest. They proudly display pics of their kids, tickers of their pg countdown, and name their labor buddies.
Why am I talking about this generation of mothers? Well, because I am one of the! But also, because I am proud to be one of them. These moms band together when someone is down and out. They are excited for their friends when the get a bfp and wish them well when they find out twins are on the way. They rally around ladies when their friend miscarries her baby, and will stick up for them when some one is being mean! These women are aware of their Earth, they are smart when it comes to menu planning and budgeting. I am so proud to be in such great company as a mom!

Nothing is Ever Black and White.

I think there is gray area. Don't you?

Let me just reaffirm something, this is for any mom who is reading this. Maybe you can identify maybe you can't.

Just because I am not sure that being a full time stay at home mom is what I want to do does not mean that I don't like being a mommy! That is just silly! I love Emma. Nothing, nothing, nothing could ever change that! Seriously! Even if one day I wake up and say to myself "I totally effed up my life, I am leaving husband, leaving this state, etc. " Emma is and will always be one of the loves of my life. It is crazy to associate a woman wanting to work outside of the home with somebody who is not "liking" being a mom. I gave birth to her, we have a bond. I was praying, talking, and daydreaming about Emma way before I ever saw the pink line on the hpt!
I struggle everyday- While I am at home with Emma I enjoy playing with her, seeing her learn new things, picking her up from her nap and all she wants to do is cuddle me, going for walks! I think to myself I will miss this stuff, I will miss bringing her to the park maybe even her first steps.
However, I believe that in order for me (and all other mommies) to be a good mom we have to be fully satisfied with our own lives. I think that's why we see so many moms now addicted to prescription painkillers and booze. They have lost themselves in their quests to be the perfect mom. Part of their quest included staying home and trying to be everything to everybody all at once. Now, there is nothing wrong with this- its just all about balance. And let me just say now- I am no where close to this balance I speak of. However, I acknowledge that probably I am not going to find it staying at home focusing all my energies on Emma and husband. That's why I think not everything is black and white!

Emma stands alone

Thats right, she is standing all on her own! My goodness what a I gonna do? She is growing up way too fast! I am thinking this means some walking is in her very near future!

I need to get my butt in gear!

A few months back I wrote a post about how I am furious with my baby fat, the one that just has not melted away yet! Well, its jut getting bad! I look terrible. Weight wise I am still below my highest weight. However, there are still post pregnancy pounds that need to disappear. Not to mention everything just fits me differently! I knew pregnancy does a number on your body- but wow! And now one of my friends is almost down to where she was before her pregnancy and she looks GREAT! And her soon is only 6 months old.

And I know it is my fault! I am trying not just to blame the pregnancy or the fact that I only got to bf for six weeks (which really helps ladies lose weight). I know that I have not gotten my eating under control and I also need to get back to exercising. So I have popped my dance video back in a couple of times. Also, Naomi and I have started are walks again. We did three miles yesterday- and again today. However, walking outside is hit and miss until the weather is for sure warm enough to bring our kids out in. So, yeah eating and exercising are going to be my focus for the spring (along with getting a job). Will you guys keep me in check? Thanks! :)

Phew....

Tonight was our first night bringing our friend Chad a meal. For the last two weeks my biggest worry would be that as soon as we walked into the house and see Chad and the kids and not have Katya welcome us, I would just lose it. I did well! I didn't break down. I sat and held Jackson (3 weeks old now) for a half an hour. We had a laid back conversation, and didn't want to stay long. It was nice to see Chad and actually get to meet Jackson. One of the reasons why I held on so tight to him is for two reasons. One was b/c in some small way its still a connection to Katya, also because he doesn't have a mommy to love on him- I wanted to do that for a little while! Well, this short tonight but, we are heading to bed! Good night all!

I don't want to, you can't make me do it!

I think I have to go back to work. Boo!

I left work mid April last year in order to prepare for Emma, I had every intention of going back but, apparently the school had other plans. At the time we were great! After working for awhile the paycheck that I brought it was just adding some cushion to our account! It was the first time in our whole marriage we were on the upswing! Well, now almost a year of not working I think it has caught up with us. Husband thinks we can get by and that it is not a necessity! We just have to cut somethings, which I am afraid I think might be Internet. I think though, I would feel better if I was bringing some income in! The hard part is breaking even when it comes to childcare!

I have thought about going a couple of different routes: I could Sell Mary Kay apparently some people do really well in that! My friend Naomi sells, and I could join her team. Not sure how I would do at it though.
I could bring a child into my house and watch him/her. My house is small though, not a lot of room to run around. We do have a big yard but, no outside toys. However, I am thinking that having just one kid would make it easy for us to go to the park, and do fun things as well.
Then finally, I can find some job working outside of the home I could either go down the retail route where I know I could find a job, or look for something profession. Nothing huge, since me degree is not finished I don't have a lot of hope bringing in more than 30,000 if that! I am thinking something like medical receptionist. If I work retail, I would probably bring home after daycare and taxes 130 a week. However, if I go for a receptionist job, I might be able to pull out a little more than that a week. Grr, this is so frustrating! I joke with my mom that she should stop working and make her job taking care of Emma lol!

Well, my crappy night has gotten better now that I just saw Doug Ross back on ER tonight!

When I can't fall asleep...

I shop online!! I had a 20% off code for Gymboree and here is what I got:

And the grand total (w/o shipping) 37 bucks! yeah thats right!! I know how to find deals :)

Our red shoes..

Emma and I both wore red shoes to church on Sunday, I thought I woud share!

Not the greatest, but shows of the red shoes a bit better!



Looking up to mommy!

A close up!

The third stage...

In an earlier post I talked about the stages of grief. Well, I think I might be to my final one (remember theses were my own made up stages.)

Since Katya passed I have been having non stop dreams in which Chad and Katya are both in. Well, the last two dreams that I have had have only had Chad in them. I am not sayin thats its good that she wasn't in my dreams, I just think I moved on to acceptance. Life goes on and we have to adjust. She will be rememeber fondly and she will be talked about alot! I think I maybe turning the corner on this part.

However, I am still questioning a lot these days!

She is still in the hospital!

My niece is still in there! They want to keep her there again tonight. Apparently her fever just won't break. She ate breakfast this morning but, I guess now she is back to feeling bad. Husband and I are going to go out there tonight and give my brother and his gf a break! They will probably just go get some dinner. Please keep praying!

Please Pray Niece

My niece Cadence is in the hospital right now with a high fever that the docs can't get to break and not sure what the cause is! Please pray that they find they cause and get rid of the fever. Before two weeks ago, I would have said a prayer and gone on my way (even though I am really close to her) but now I am freaking out! Little minor things can turn into big things quickly! Please pray for the best.

Lets get back to "Normal"

With Some Pics!

First Picture is of me, Emma and Husband with my friend Sarah her husband and their son. They are moving soon! Second one is Emma, apparently she wasn't done with the puffs! The third is of Emma and I- that was a rough day! the next one is Emma escaping- she loves to be naked. the other one is of Row-grandma, and the last is Emma trying to get the puffs again!

Btw- anybody know a easier way to gets these pics in a post? When I get them in I can never get the laid out the way I want them!