Nothing is Ever Black and White.

I think there is gray area. Don't you?

Let me just reaffirm something, this is for any mom who is reading this. Maybe you can identify maybe you can't.

Just because I am not sure that being a full time stay at home mom is what I want to do does not mean that I don't like being a mommy! That is just silly! I love Emma. Nothing, nothing, nothing could ever change that! Seriously! Even if one day I wake up and say to myself "I totally effed up my life, I am leaving husband, leaving this state, etc. " Emma is and will always be one of the loves of my life. It is crazy to associate a woman wanting to work outside of the home with somebody who is not "liking" being a mom. I gave birth to her, we have a bond. I was praying, talking, and daydreaming about Emma way before I ever saw the pink line on the hpt!
I struggle everyday- While I am at home with Emma I enjoy playing with her, seeing her learn new things, picking her up from her nap and all she wants to do is cuddle me, going for walks! I think to myself I will miss this stuff, I will miss bringing her to the park maybe even her first steps.
However, I believe that in order for me (and all other mommies) to be a good mom we have to be fully satisfied with our own lives. I think that's why we see so many moms now addicted to prescription painkillers and booze. They have lost themselves in their quests to be the perfect mom. Part of their quest included staying home and trying to be everything to everybody all at once. Now, there is nothing wrong with this- its just all about balance. And let me just say now- I am no where close to this balance I speak of. However, I acknowledge that probably I am not going to find it staying at home focusing all my energies on Emma and husband. That's why I think not everything is black and white!