Stages of Grief

So, I remember learning in one of my psych courses in college the stages of grieving ,I don't remember them but, I may be making up my own!

1. Complete and utter shock! Like I didn't believe it! I had to look at the e-mail that was sent to me before I called the two friends who didn't know yet! I kept on saying to husband "wow" I just don't believe it!

2. I think I am at stage 2 right now (my made up stage 2). Whenever I punch in my web address for my blog there it appears, the Last picture of Katya and I took together. Tears once again appear! Or, reading her obit and the article in the local paper about her! Oh my gosh! I can't help myself the tears just flow! I think it finally hit me that she is really gone!

So, here is what I am struggling with right now. I know that I have every right to grieve as she was my friend and I will miss her dearly. I just feel weird; people at my church are asking how I am doing (we prayed for her Sunday morning at church). Well, I am sad but, she left behind a husband and two kids- I sometimes don't know if I am sad at the loss of a friend or if I am sad for Chad! Which, I guess would be totally understandable after all Chad is my friend too. I guess either aren't bad.
We have decided that we are going to both the calling hours and the memorial service! We are hoping (along with Sarah and her husband) that going to the calling hours we might be able to give Chad a hung and be alittle more personally comforting. We are thinking that the memorial is going to be "standing room only" and may not get a chance to give our condolences then. I am just think though, when we walk into the church and see Chad I will break down. I don't want to do that! I don't want to have to have people comfort me! I want to be the comforter for her family! That's it for now!